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Michael Palin: I’m a closet bathrobe thief
09.10.09

Michael Palin on his fear of birds, wild nights with Warhol and Capote – and the very naughty habit he picked up with all that travelling.

Michael Palin, 66, remains best known as the perennially ‘nice’ member of the madcap Monty Python team. He also has careers in film acting and travel writing/ presenting, and won international acclaim – and a Bafta – for his role as a stuttering would-be assassin in the movie A Fish Called Wanda.

Palin, who lives in Gospel Oak, north London , with Helen, his wife of 43 years, has three grown-up children, Thomas, William and Rachel.

What would your friends say is your greatest quality?

It’s a bit presumptuous – and I don’t know what they say behind my back – but I think it’s my affability.

John Cleese always says that I work so hard at being affable that I don’t have time for anything else. It’s better than being called ‘nice’ though, isn’t it?

Who has been the greatest influence on your life?

My
wife Helen. We met on the beach at Southwold in Suffolk 50 years ago,
and she’s been with me continuously since we married in 1966. I know
her better than anyone else, and she influences me quietly and subtly
in a multitude of ways.

The way we live (reasonably modestly) and the friends that we have
are shaped by her. We’ve been together so long we have an intuitive
understanding of each other.

What attracted you to your wife and what keeps you together?

Her sense of mischief. When I first saw her, she was trailing reluctantly behind a hale-and-hearty uncle, who was going for his morning dip in the North Sea. This attractive, wayward, curly-haired girl was making no attempt to enjoy herself.

We’ve stayed together because we’re very happy and have shared so much, including three children and two grandsons. Our home is full of comfortable memories. I’m a faithful husband, and that’s down to temperament as much as anything else. I’m not given to wild flights of fancy.

How did your childhood affect the person you are today?

I had a secure, middle-class childhood, and my father ploughed a third of his income into a private education for me and my sister. At one point, my mother sold some of her jewellery to ensure that I could stay at my public school, Shrewsbury, and go on to Oxford .

I’m sure that my father had earmarked me for a career in accountancy or medicine. He thought acting was a dangerous waste of his limited funds. Monty Python was, absolutely, a reaction to the conservatism of my background. It would have been his nightmare.

What’s your most embarrassing possession?

The bathrobe that’s hanging on my bedroom door. I still blush scarlet when I think how I acquired it.

I was staying in a very smart hotel in Saudi while filming Around The World In 80 Days for the BBC, and I secreted it into my suitcase, not intending to declare it. As I checked out, the receptionist asked if there was anything extra to go on my bill. ‘Just the room,’ I said piously.

‘And the bathrobe, sir?’ she added. ‘Oh, yes!’ I said, as if I’d just remembered it had fallen into my case. I had guilt written all over my face.

If you were going to a fancy dress party, what would you wear?

In homage to my fellow Python, the late, great Graham Chapman, I’d go as a carrot.

Graham was a true eccentric who once went to a Cambridge Union debate encased in a carrot suit. Why? Don’t ask me. There certainly wouldn’t have been a vegetable theme to the debate. That would have been far too logical for Graham.

What’s your biggest fear?

Being trapped in a room with a bird – of the feathered kind.

What song would you have played at your funeral?

Hole In The Ground by Bernard Cribbins, because funerals should reflect your life, and mine has been sustained by laughter.

I’d also have George Harrison ’s Here Comes The Sun, because I was very fond of George and death held no fears for him.

Who would you like to be marooned on a desert island with and why?

Jamie Lee Curtis . She’s very beautiful, very clever and very funny.

I also discovered, when we were filming A Fish Called Wanda, that she’s extremely practical. She could make a raft out of three bits of driftwood and a cactus.

When did you last use public transport?

I’m president of the Campaign for Better Transport, and I travel by bus or Tube several times a week. I dislike driving round London because everything’s against the motorist: congestion charges, parking meters, battling with traffic. And I know it sounds a bit poncy but, as a writer, I like being in touch with the travelling public.

What’s the most showbiz party you’ve ever been to?

It was in 1978 at Studio 54 in New York . Andy Warhol and Truman Capote were the hosts, and every A-list celebrity from the worlds of rock, art and film seemed to be there: Mick Jagger and Jerry Hall , Salvador Dali, Brooke Shields , John Belushi, Dan Aykroyd.

There was plenty of cocaine around. I have done some in the past – but not on that particular evening. I was just drinking fearsomely strong cocktails.

What’s your speciality in the kitchen?

Fetching, carrying and appreciation are what I do very well. I empty bins, serve the wine and set the table, but I don’t cook. I say to Helen, ‘Someone has to enjoy the food and talk to the guests.’

Tell us a secret…

I know all the words to To Know Him Is To Love Him by the Teddy Bears off by heart.

What makes you cry?

Tears of joy spring to my eyes very readily these days. Usually it’s in response to something sweet that my grandsons Archie, three, and Wilbur, one, have done.

And your biggest vice…?

Strong coffee.

Halfway To Hollywood: Diaries 1980-1988 by Michael Palin, Weidenfeld & Nicolson, ?20.