|
Sleuth (1972)
IMDB rating: 8.20
Plot: Milo Tindle and Andrew Wyke have something in common, Andrew’s wife. In an attempt to find a way out of this without costing Andrew a fortune in alimony, he suggests Milo pretend to rob his house and let him claim the insurance on the stolen jewelry. The problem is that they don’t really like each other and each cannot avoid the zinger on the other. The plot has many shifts in which the advantage shifts between Milo and Andrew.
|
buy Sleuth and instant download
Directors: Branagh Kenneth
Actors: Caine Michael,Law Jude,Pinter Harold,Cawthorne Alec,Mystery,Thriller,
Can you make any recommendations for this pitch for a novel contest?
So here’s the deal. Amazon.com and Createspace.com are having a novel contest into which I’m already entered. Here’s the criteria for the judging of the first round:
B. First Round (February 8, 2010 – February 23, 2010).
Between February 8, 2010 and February 23, 2010, our editors will read the Pitch for each Valid Entry. Our editors will select the top 1,000 Entries from each category to advance to the second round by rating each Pitch on the following three criteria: originality of idea, overall strength of the Pitch, and the quality of writing. We reserve the right to advance fewer than 1,000 Entries from each category to the Second Round if, in our sole discretion, we do not receive a sufficient number of eligible or qualified Entries.
My question is, does this pitch — which is supposed to present the novel’s contest — have a snowballs chance in hell of beating four out of five comers in this 5,000 writer deathmatch?
I’ve entered the contest, but I can still edit the thing. I included one profanity in the pitch, because Paul compulsively utters a curse word in every sentence, like another guy I happen to know… And I wanted to give the judges a sense of the tone of the story.
Fire away with whatever criticisms you’ve got. I know it ain’t Shakespeare. I’m just hoping it might be considered borderline commercial.
-Occulty
The pitch:
The title: Dogfight
The premise: pizza delivery drivers versus werewolves.
When Gary Garvin arrives home to find his apartment a shambles and his girlfriend missing, his best friend Paul Reagan takes it upon himself to find out why someone would kidnap the girlfriend of a pizza delivery driver. While Gary talks to the police, Paul engages in some amateur sleuthing which leads him to a burning van and a gunshot-punctuated encounter with creatures which appear to be half-man/half-beast.
Gary, desperate to find some clue as to what happened to Lucy Reynolds, persuades Paul to take him to Merlin, an occultist with whom they are both familiar. Although Merlin proves to be inept, Paul bullies him into referring the two men to a more proficient occultist who proves to be a little more competent: Ike Isaacs. Paul is skeptical of the hocus-pocus bullshit, but Gary insists that they pursue this line of inquiry.
Meanwhile, Lucy awakens in a concrete cell, and a cellmate illuminates parts of her past which have always baffled her.
Ike mediates between Paul and Gary and a group of paranormal consultants, and a rescue attempt is mounted and then aborted in an Indiana cornfield. Subsequently, Yukiko, one of the paranormal consultants, takes a special interest in Lucy’s fate. Yukiko’s assistance leads the two delivery drivers ultimately to upstate New York. There, in a desperate bid to recover Lucy, Paul and Gary discover an arena where para-human creatures fight death matches against each other…
…and against normal men.
Ceiling Cat: Interesting ideas, but ACTUALLY, the novel is complete. I’m only looking for input on the PITCH.
And, uh…trilogy? Nah. I’m thinking I can milk this into a ten- or fourteen-volume series that includes the collapse of civilization due to three separate….
ah, that would be giving too much away this early, wouldn’t it?
Change the word ‘punctuated’ and make that whole sentence more ….’boom!’ , and you’ve got it.
**REZ** | Jan 28, 2010
I think if you got product placement endorsements from say, Domino’s Pizza you might have a chance of selling it as a screen play.
Now I really want to know what happens next!
Thanks for sharing this Occulty.
Radio Jingles (AM/FM) | Jan 27, 2010
You have a hell of an imagination, baby! I like it, and I’m pretty picky about what I read. I think you need a pirate in there as well
I don’t know as I’d have the mediation in a cornfield, maybe in the South Bronx where all the weird shitt happens. I really like the bumbling Merlin. What is Lucy to these people? And do Gary and Paul have to fight in the death match? Good stuff, Occulty! <3
Kelly Bundy | Jan 27, 2010
I am intrigued by the death matches with para-human creatures. What is the link between Lucy’s baffling past and the para-human creatures community, if it is a community?
Obviously, I am not qualified to offer a critique, and I hope you don’t mind my input.
Gorgeoustx Go Spurs Go! | Jan 27, 2010
I would change Gary’s profession from pizza delivery worker to top dressing pilot. It then makes a neat double entendre with the title, links to the cornfield (he might have seen it from the air and knows how to evade werewolves using the lie of the land), and provides the main characters an easy method of crossing large distances without mucking up the plot too much.
Lucy could be have genetic markers that allow cross breeding without rejection of certain traits making her important to the plot.
You might explain the genesis of the beast/men by introducing a sub-plot involving chinese genetics researchers and their continual need for hard cash to further their research aims, hence the cockfight style arena. Add in the concept that Yukiko could be an undercover FBI agent who finds out about the geneticists’ real aims – creating a man/beast super army with the aim of once again spreading communism and you have a fully fledged trilogy in the making.
Ceiling Cat | Jan 27, 2010
How about:
"When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that’s a metamorphosis.."
I’m just kidding Occulty.
That actually sounds like a great read.
I say go for it, and good luck to you.
Is the contest open to the public?
I’d like to check it out..
Son of a PropReno | Jan 27, 2010
I think if you change Lucy’s name to Sasha you would have a real winner
Grey Face is not scuzzy enough | Jan 28, 2010
I don’t think there would be much of a contest. The reading is always different from the premise though. I can’t imagine how delivery guys could beat werewolves. But, that may also draw people in to find out how.
WS killed by a cat! | Jan 28, 2010
